BDL's Ranking Rosters: Measuring depth in the Central Division
Stars guide the NBA. Set your watch by LeBron James contending in June. Kevin Durant joined Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green in Golden State, and we all know how that will turn out. (Hint: Pretty good.) Fill out the rest of that roster with 11 Mark Madsens, and they’ll still vie for a title.
But few stars push teams to the playoffs alone. Ask Carmelo Anthony. Or DeMarcus Cousins. After 10 straight playoff appearances to begin his career, the former has seen his season end in April three years running. And the latter has landed in the lottery every season since entering the league in 2010.
Depth and continuity count in the NBA, too, and that’s why we’re here. We ranked every roster, one through 12, mostly because that’s how many players a team activates each game (and partly since 15 is more effort). Then, we broke divisions down by depth, sorting teams into four distinct categories:
• Stars: You know ’em when you see ’em
• Supporting actors: Starting-caliber NBA players
• Role players: Possess a very particular set of skills
• Extras: Putting the RP in VORP
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Likewise, we noted each roster’s additions (“standing in”) and subtractions (“edited out”).
These subjective rankings are based on depth and continuity, or lack thereof, and not a prediction of where teams will finish in the standings, even if they’re often intertwined ideas. Newly formed or existing star-studded squads may fare better than ones with longer-running or stronger supporting casts, although a revolving door or bottom-heavy roster is almost always a target for rotten tomatoes.
Without further ado: The Central Division.
1. Milwaukee Bucks
• Stars: Giannis Antetokounmpo, Jabari Parker
• Supporting actors: Khris Middleton, Miles Plumlee, Greg Monroe, John Henson, Mirza Teletovic, Michael Carter-Williams
• Role players: Matthew Dellavedova, Thon Maker, Jason Terry
• Extras: Rashad Vaughn
Standing in: Dellavedova, Maker, Teletovic, Terry
Edited out: Jerryd Bayless, Damien Inglis, O.J. Mayo, Greivis Vasquez
I had a hard time deciding between “Mad Max” and a super strange episode of the Danish television miniseries “Riget,” featuring a dude with extremely long limbs, as the proper Bucks analogy. Ultimately, Dellavedova is Mel Gibson’s Max Rockatansky — an Australian gone rogue, surrounded by futuristic vehicles with ever-expanding bodies and not enough juice to get the job done in the end. Critical acclaim will come in time, so it’s fun to ride with this cult classic before it goes mainstream.
2. Cleveland Cavaliers
• Stars: LeBron James, Kyrie Irving, Kevin Love
• Supporting actors: Tristan Thompson, J.R. Smith, Iman Shumpert
• Role players: Channing Frye, Mike Dunleavy, Chris Andersen, Richard Jefferson, Mo Williams
• Extras: Jordan McRae
Standing in: Andersen, Dunleavy
Edited out: Dellavedova, Timofey Mozgov
“Birdman.” When the Warriors discarded the Cavs in 2015 and LeBron stared back at a seemingly dysfunctional band of Cleveland misfits, his career appeared headed back down the mountain, with not enough talent around him in Ohio (again) and a dynasty bursting onto the scene in Golden State. Then the 2016 NBA Finals happened, and James soared to the heavens, lauded for his brilliance (again). Coming back from down 3-1 was Michael Keaton’s stage adaptation of “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” in “Birdman.” Irving is Edward Norton’s star in waiting. Love and Zach Galifianakis both have beards. Oh, and the Cavaliers have an actual Birdman. It’s more than perfect.
Most likely, you couldn’t stop watching the 2016 playoffs unfold, the ending was brilliant and filled with meaning, but you’re still not really a huge Cavs fan. Like, you don’t need to see them win again in 2017, and you’d be fine with a different ending this season. That’s “Birdman.” That’s a LeBron team.
3. Indiana Pacers
• Stars: Paul George, Monta Ellis, Jeff Teague
• Supporting actors: Myles Turner, Thaddeus Young, Al Jefferson, C.J. Miles
• Role players: Rodney Stuckey, Aaron Brooks, Lavoy Allen
• Extras: Joe Young, Jeremy Evans
Standing in: Brooks, Evans, Jefferson, Teague, T. Young
Edited out: George Hill, Jordan Hill, Solomon Hill, Ty Lawson, Ian Mahinmi
“Anchorman.” Ron Burgundy was on top of his game. He wasn’t the best, but his best was pretty great. His “Go f— yourself, San Diego” and subsequent downfall was Paul George’s broken leg. After some time away, the masses pined for George to oppose LeBron again, as Burgundy did every newscaster in town, and this season is his venture into the bear enclosure. He’s not just back. He’s here to stay. Also, Ellis, Teague and Turner are about as odd a mix as Champ Kind, Brian Fantana and Brick Tamland.
Everybody loves a comeback, and we’ll watch this one continue to unfold, hoping George and the likable supporting cast around him can challenge for Eastern Conference supremacy again. But considering the Pacers a title contender is as far-fetched as “Anchorman” winning an Academy Award.
4. Detroit Pistons
• Stars: Andre Drummond
• Supporting actors: Tobias Harris, Stanley Johnson, Reggie Jackson, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope
• Role players: Ish Smith, Boban Marjanovic, Reggie Bullock, Ray McCallum
• Extras: Jon Leuer, Henry Ellenson
Standing in: Ellenson, Leuer, Marjanovic, McCallum, Smith
Edited out: Joel Anthony, Steve Blake, Spencer Dinwiddie, Jodie Meeks, Anthony Tolliver
Stan Van Gundy’s “We just form a f—— wall” episode was J.K. Simmons’ “Are you gonna be on my f—— time?” diatribe before “Whiplash” ever came out. Like the conductor in “Whiplash,” the Pistons coach’s blood pressure rises with each young player’s mistake. Let’s just hope Van Gundy doesn’t throw a chair at Drummond’s head every time he misses a free throw. In the end, just like Simmons’ character in the movie, we imagine Van Gundy will squeeze every ounce of talent out of this roster.
5. Chicago Bulls
• Stars: Jimmy Butler, Dwyane Wade, Rajon Rondo
• Supporting actors: Robin Lopez, Nikola Mirotic, Taj Gibson
• Role players: Doug McDermott, Bobby Portis, Tony Snell, Denzel Valentine
• Extras: Jerian Grant, Isaiah Canaan
Standing in: Canaan, Grant, Lopez, Rondo, Valentine, Wade
Edited out: Brooks, Dunleavy, Pau Gasol, E’Twaun Moore, Joakim Noah, Derrick Rose
Did you ever watch a full episode of “Charmed”? Me neither. I know it starred Holly Marie Combs, Alyssa Milano and Shannon Doherty as three witchcraft-wielding sisters (a.k.a., the Butler, Wade and Rondo of The WB). I also know a feud between Milano and Doherty got so heated Paramount hired a mediator to settle it. Accounts vary on whether Doherty was fired or quit, but she was ultimately replaced with Rose McGowan. I assume this exact scenario plays out between Wade and Rondo. So long as the Bulls upgrade from Rondo to the NBA equivalent of McGowan, they could be fine.
I know one more thing about “Charmed”: It was horrible. It was also on for eight seasons, which is every Bulls fan’s worst nightmare right now. (P.S. Robin Lopez totally owns all eight seasons on DVD.)
Previously, on Ranking Rosters:
Eastern Conference: Atlantic Division • Central Division • Southeast Division
Western Conference: Pacific Division • Southwest Division • Northwest Division
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is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @brohrbach
