Kris Cringe-worthy! These are the 4 weirdest Santa Claus movies ever made
When it comes to Yuletide specials, there’s really nothing special anymore. Rudolph, the Grinch and Charlie Brown … been there, done that. And as much as we might love Elf, Home Alone or A Christmas Story, do we really need another marathon? Thankfully, there’s the internet, where, with a few selective clicks, you can uncover a bizarro world of bonkers holiday films guaranteed to make your bells jingle, especially when it comes to cinematic depictions of the jolly guy himself. So take a big gulp of eggnog, sit back and prepare to be flabbergasted by the weirdest Kris Kringle movies ever made.
4. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Nicholas Webster’s 1964 film rose to notoriety after being mocked on Mystery Science Theater 3000, and that ridicule was well-earned, given the wholesale chintziness and absurdity of this fiasco, which involves Martians who kidnap Santa Claus (and two Earth kids) because they believe he can bring happiness into the lives of their own pleasure-deprived children. A murder plot also factors into this equation, in ways that make little sense but result in plenty of unintentional laughs.
3. Santa’s Slay (2005)
Few Santas are as outright bonkers as the one found in this 2005 black comedy, which features wrestling star Bill Goldberg as a murderous Kris Kringle who’s actually the offspring of a virgin birth involving Satan, and who has been refraining from killing people only because he lost a curling match with an angel and, for that defeat, had to deliver presents for 1,000 years. Stalking his prey with the aid of his “hell-deer,” he’s a Santa of an absurdly sinister variety.
2. Santa With Muscles (1996)
Hulk Hogan may have been the greatest wrestling star of the ’80s and ’90s, but when it came to acting, well, let’s just say his performances left a lot to be desired. That’s definitely true of his turn in this 1996 dud, in which he stars as a shady millionaire who hits his head while wearing a Santa suit, awakens to believe he is Santa, and then fights to rescue children from a scientist (Ed Begley Jr.) who’s intent on mining magic crystals from beneath an orphanage. Somehow, it plays even loonier than it sounds.
1. Santa Claus (1959)
Also referred to as Santa Claus vs. the Devil, this Mexican cult classic involves a demon that’s sent to Earth to make children behave inappropriately as part of a trap to get Santa Claus — who, it turns out, lives in outer space. Sleep powder, flowers that make Santa disappear and Santa’s trusty pal Merlin the Magician all eventually play a part in this hallucinatory whatsit, which is marked by trippy visuals, low-rent production values and the recurring appearance of Lucifer himself.
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