Jilted on her wedding day: how one woman’s dream wedding went wrong

You’ve signed off the seating-plan, taken delivery of the wedding gifts and practised your vows. So what could go wrong? A lot, as one woman found out…

Getting married is practically every girl’s dream. But finding out on the day of the ceremony that your fiancé has changed his mind is every bride’s nightmare. This is exactly what happened to Karen Cassmond, a 34-year-old Londoner and a PA at a management consultancy in March 2011. She was due to marry her boyfriend of four years at 12 noon, but at 3am the night before the ceremony, he inexplicably changed his mind.

The night before the wedding

“I was staying in a plush hotel as a treat,” Karen recalls. “It was my last night as a single woman and my best friend had told me to stay calm and enjoy my me-time. ‘Don’t raid the mini-bar,’ she joked. ‘We don’t want a hungover bride tomorrow!’

I went to bed at 10pm but couldn’t sleep. I was nervous and kept wondering if I’d forgotten something. We had 85 guests coming to our wedding party in a Kensington hotel the next day and like any bride, I wanted everything to be perfect.

‘I can’t do it, I’m sorry’

My eyes were half-closed when my phone beeped with a text message at 3am. I saw my fiancé’s face on the phone’s display and smiled as I opened his message. But what I saw on the screen changed my life forever.

‘I can’t do it, I’m in Spain. I love you, I’m sorry,’ he wrote.

My stomach lurched as I pressed the Call button. Surely he’d been joking, or just having night-before nerves?

I wanted to speak to him immediately to clear everything up. But the phone went straight to voicemail. I knew then and there that it wasn’t a joke. He’d sent the text then switched his phone off. I couldn’t get hold of him and had to face the realisation that I’d been dumped ten hours before my dream wedding.

[See also: Why I use extra-marital affairs websites to spice up my marriage]

The aftermath

I called my mum, my sister and my best-friend and woke everyone up. They came over to my hotel and once they were there I threw a fit. I opened a bottle of champagne and downed several glasses at once. I quickly got hysterical and broke down. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing a bleary-eyed, red-faced monster looking back at me.

I knew he wasn’t coming back and I was terribly, terribly embarrassed. I felt like it was all my fault. After all, I looked terrible, I was tired and ugly – why would any man want to marry me?

Destroying the wedding dress

Lost in a sea of negative thoughts, I escaped to the bathroom and cried while my mum began the horrific task of calling all the guests to cancel the wedding.

When I came back to the bedroom, I saw my wedding dress hanging up. It was beautiful – tight fitting, chic, with a long train – but I couldn’t bear to look at it. ‘I won’t be needing this,’ I said, before grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting it up. It cost me £462, but by the time I’d finished with it, it was almost in two pieces. I buried my head in the duvet and cried for hours.

The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. I went back home and spoke to my fiancé’s family. They were apologetic, but my fiancé himself was nowhere to be seen. I’ve never felt as lonely, lost or unloved as I did that weekend. I was sure it was all my fault – that he’d left me because I was a horrific person to be around.

Moving on

As time went on, my friends and family were really supportive, but I quickly grew sick of people feeling sorry for me. Everywhere I went, people said ‘I’m so sorry, you poor thing’ – it was enough to drive me crazy.

A month after the non-wedding, I decided to see a counsellor. I went with a bad attitude but she was amazing. She said I would move through several stages of healing: from sadness to anger to questioning and finally – to getting over it. Amazingly, her predictions were right. I realised I could let this experience destroy me, or I could use to it to make me stronger. I chose the second option.

[Relevant: When you should definitely call things quits]

A new boyfriend

My first step was to start dating again. I registered with various internet dating sites, wrote profiles for myself and kept editing them until I was happy with how I came across.

Quite quickly, a man called Phil emailed me via transatlantic dating website iloveyouraccent.com.

At 45, he was older than my ex-fiancé and he’d been married before.  He lived in America but I liked the fact he wouldn’t know any of my friends or anything about me. We went on a date and swapped stories. I’d vowed not to tell him about my failed wedding-day, yet because Phil was so open with me, I ended up telling him everything on our first date.

Amazingly, my story didn’t worry him in the slightest. We clicked and after a few more dates, we became an item. Phil lives in America, so making a life together won’t be easy, but I’m currently visiting him in Miami and having a great time. We’re determined to make it work and thankfully, I’m learning to trust and enjoying romance again.

Looking back

Now when I look back at my relationship with my ex, I wonder if I missed vital warning signs. I’m quite perceptive, but I really thought he was as committed to our relationship as I was.

I would never have wanted him to marry me if he wasn’t sure – we’d been engaged for two years, so he had plenty of time to think about it. I’ve spoken to him once, but now I never want to see him again. It’s been a stressful, highly emotional year, but I won’t let this experience break me. Finally, I’m excited about the future again.”

“What do you think? Could you move on after a heartbreak this severe? Or could you forgive a man who ended a relationship by text – just hours before a wedding?”

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