10 ways technology can ruin your love life
A pair of west London poshos got into trouble this week when they accidently cc'd a 'hot' girl on an email conversation they were having about her and it became an internet hit.
Although it's fun to laugh at the misfortune of dipsticks from Fulham, this is also a cautionary tale about how technology can spectacularly ruin relationships and flings. Here are nine other ways it can happen…
1) Text the person you're dissing
"Yeah mate I'd rate Julie 5/10 in bed - she was a bit podgy but, on the plus side, pure filth." Contacts, send to: Julie. Argh! It's a brain meltdown we've all experienced (or at least, I have).
Recovery chances: 2/10 — saying it was a different Julie is unlikely to fly.
2) Instant message juggling
Chatting to multiple friends or colleagues in different windows might make you feel popular but it's risky. If your boss suddenly pop ups and you baffle him with kisses or a cat emoticon, it may cost you that promotion.
Recovery chances: 7/10 — kisses and cat emoticons are generally inoffensive, unless your boss's cat recently died and he thinks you are mocking him.
3) Pocket dialling
Normally an innocent mistake that happens when your keypad is unlocked… but it depends what you're doing at the time. A pal of mine once inadvertently left a voicemail on his girlfriend's phone while he was canoodling with someone else.
Recovery chances: 5/10 - The crackly sound quality should allow you to create an alternative truth. At least it should be crackly sound quality, unless you're having sex in a toilet.
4) Sex tape
It's great to make a saucy video with someone you
love and trust... until you dump them and they upload their revenge on
myamateurvideo.com.
Recovery chances: 3/10 — The only thing
that can save you is your own incompetence as a filmmaker. Body parts
look fairly similar on a fuzzy screen, faces less so.
5) Drunk dialling
Ultimately,
you are to blame for this rather than technology. But the mobile phone
is the device that allows you to send the message: "I need too see ur
boobs... NOW! xxxxx" to your ex at 3.19am.
Recovery chances: 2/10 - slim, unless you claim your phone was hijacked by a randy tramp when you fell asleep on the night bus.
6) Wall defamation
"Was
great to see you last night ;-) x" appears on your Facebook Wall from a
mystery girl. The kiss alone is damning, but the wink is a virtual
guarantee you got laid.
Recovery chances: 4/10 - This looks dodgy but it's not enough evidence for a conviction. That wink could mean literally anything.
7) Spotted on dating site
The girl you're seeing finds an online dating profile with your photo and the tagline "single and looking for fun, preferably with someone really skinny".
Recovery chances: 6/10 — You could say it was an old profile, or your mate uploaded it. And why was she looking at a dating site anyway?!
8) Block sucker
An annoying girl keeps pestering you on messenger. Easy solution: block her. But you're also friends with her housemate, and they're online at the same time. The ultimate snub: cue hatred and awkwardness forever.
Recovery chances: 1/10 — You could blame computers but this is so blatant that you'll just have to come clean. The upside is that you generally don't like people you block anyway.
9) Incriminating Facebook tag
Oh look, it's you, on a night out, a bit drunk, having fun with your friends and… is your hand on that woman's bottom? Hold on... is it IN that woman's bottom?
Recovery chances: 2/10 - They say the camera never lies, but you can still try. If you're snapped kissing, say it was her birthday. Bum-touching may be trickier to explain.
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