How 'Glee' Could Become Even Worse (Yes, It's Possible)
While we're still trying to figure out whether "Glee" was actually ever good to begin with, we're positive about one thing: It isn't now. At this rate, we highly doubt Ryan Murphy can turn around his once-at-least-entertaining high school singing show. Therefore, instead of getting viewers to start believin' again, we present a handy guide on how he and his writers can make the series even worse. Our apologies in advance if you see any of these pop up in Season 4.
Make Brittany Dumber
She already believes in leprechauns and thinks Santa is real, so it couldn't hurt to have an entire episode (or three!) devoted to her forgetting her own name and how to dance, only to make everyone feel like BULLIES when they point out that she could not possibly be this inept… while gratingly referring to her by her full name of Brittany S. Pierce, annoying initial and all.
More Sugar
You know that character who is supposed to be stuck up, annoying, and generally intolerable? The one who is given dialogue and story lines in an already-huge ensemble? Let's see more of her, especially when she's strictly in scenes with "Glee Project" winners.
New New Directions
Even before our seniors graduate, the writers simply must add another ten members to Mr. Schue's club -- you know, the one that everyone in school seems to hate and is impossible to find new recruits for, but that always has five mute student extras who are just hanging out in the music room. This will allow the addition of more stunt-casted guest stars and vestigial family members to the series. We suggest bringing Dave Karofsky into the group, and for an added bonus, making everyone forget about his attempted suicide, in effect acknowledging that it was a manipulative plot device in the first place.
[Related: Fox Renews 'Glee' for a Third Season]
President Burt Hummel
Because his last-minute write-in congressional campaign resulted in victory by a landslide, why not really push Kurt's dad's political career forward by devoting an entire story arc to him randomly winning the 2012 presidential race? He can be the first president to turn down living in the White House and instead conduct the country's business from his car shop. This will no doubt cause tension between Kurt and Finn, serving as an excuse to once again revisit that buried hatchet.
Retro Mash-Ups
Everyone likes hearing the kids sing the occasional popular throwback and even a mash-up or two, so surely that means every single song should be three-in-one, and that entire episodes should be dedicated to songs that high school students in the '10s would have never remotely heard of. And let Sue sing some of them!
Check out one of those mash-ups in this clip from last week's "Glee":
Convert Rachel
Since "Extraordinary Merry Christmas" already featured Rachel Berry disregarding her own Jewish heritage, let's combine this with her poorly conceived plan to marry Finn. We'll see Rachel go through some religious conversion before the big day, rejecting Barbra Streisand as her Lord and Savior.
Be Harder on the Female Leads
While we're already on this track, let's just go ahead and allow female characters to speak only when it's in direct response to a male character, so that the guys can teach the gals valuable lessons about not being needy bitches. To do this, you'd really only have to kill off Santana.
Fan Voting
Completely turn "Glee" into a reality fan experience, where viewers get to call, text, and tweet to decide the fate of the cast members, including which songs they'll sing and who will be stuck dancing alongside Mr. Schue in any given episode.
[Related: Lindsay Lohan Will Guest Star on 'Glee' This Season]
Spotlight Sue's Pregnancy
Give even more screen time to Sue's pregnancy so that we can be further educated about Sue's out-of-character "soft spot" for people with developmental disabilities, in case it hasn't been established yet in this show about singing high school students. Juxtapose this with literally giving Sue an evil lair, so that it's even more astonishing that such a being can be capable of human emotions.
Even More Ridiculous Judges
Instead of spending episodes on Sectionals, Regionals, Nationals, and whatever other strenuous rounds lead up to the Ultimate Glee Club Award, devote time to zany, nonsensical judges who no one cares about. Maybe throw in another Real Housewife to counterbalance NeNe Leakes' surprisingly decent performance? Or how about a former "Hell's Kitchen" contestant from seasons past for cross-promotion? A CGI Stewie from "Family Guy"? Just make sure it's not someone who could conceivably be qualified to judge a singing competition in real life.
Preach On
Please, tell us more about the dangers of being a reckless teen, and call every single person who isn't nice a bully. Stick a few more characters in wheelchairs so that we can learn the Gospel of "Glee" and never laugh at this once-funny series again. And downplay every single high school tribulation that doesn't directly relate to sexuality.
Kill Blaine
And never speak of it again. Who needs him? Kurt is college-bound!
Get a sneak peek at this week's "Saturday Night Fever" tribute on "Glee":
"Glee" airs Tuesdays at 8 PM on Fox.
More from Television Without Pity:
