Hold it, people: Kardashian wedding was NOT the royal wedding!
Let's just get one thing straight: the Kardashians are not our version of the royal family. Despite the fact that Kim's wedding to Kris Humphries this weekend, reportedly earned the star $17 million- pretty close to what London garnered in tourism revenue from Kate and Will's big day- the similarities end there. So we should probably cool off with the 24-hour news coverage and the constantcomparisons to the actual, bonafide wedding of the century.
Some of the fine points:
Lindsay Lohan is not Pippa Middleton even though they wore a similar dress.
Neither is Kendall Jenner or her other siblings, even though they were dressed in deeply suggestive ivory gowns.
And just because there was an over-the-top 6 foot tier cake, it's not anything like Kate and Will's 8-tier confection created to feed people who have their own human poison testers.
And while we're at it, a lot of brides wear lace. Just because Kim's dress had some lace detailing like Kate's, it doesn't mean she's also the next Grace Kelly. Sure, there might be a few knockoffs of her headdress but when a style reporter in 2050 looks back at the wedding dresses that influenced matrimonial style throughout history, Kate will be included in the roundup. Kim? Not so much.
Do not expect any Franklin Mint dolls made in Kim's likeness, unless Kim herself produces it. (She's already got her own signature wedding fragrance in the works.) And don't expect any Kim and Kris tea towels or teddy bears to come out of this marriage.
And now for the matter of the guest list. Sure Jennifer Lopez and Will Smith were invited, but you didn't actually think they would come, did you? Here's who did come: Mario Lopez, Eva Longoria and Dina and Lindsay Lohan. Here's who came to the royal wedding in April: people with the words King, Queen and Sir before their first name. President Obama not being invited made news. Elton John was practically in the bridal party. While both brides had a Spice Girl in attendance, Kim had Scary Spice. Kate had the lord and lady Posh and David freaking Beckham. The biggest name waiting to congratulate the bride this weekend was Ryan Seacrest, who will probably also show up for Bill and Guiliana Rancic's 5th wedding anniversary party. Another big name guest at this weekend's wedding? The woman responsible for the song "sk8er boi". If Kim and Kris are our Kate and Will, that would mean Avril Lavigne is our Paul McCartney. Just think about that.
The live coverage of Kardashian wedding was excessive: helicopters were employed, so were actual reporters from legitimate news outlets that don't have exclamation points at the end of their title. But let's remember it did not take overtake morning programming. That golf game still took precedence, so did that repeat of "Stargate Atlantis".
This kid who made faces, pre-Kardashian-wedding, during an absurd use of CNN's resources on Saturday, is definitely funny. But he's not nearly as cool as the little girl who threw a tantrum during Kate and Will's balcony kiss. So let's derail this royal wedding comparison train right now. Kim's big day may have been outrageously priced and exasperatingly covered, but then again, so was Star Jones'. Feel free to draw those comparisons.
Related links:
Kim's $1 million wedding: the details
Marriage advice for Kim Kardashian
The Kate Middleton barbie
Kate and Will's royal guest list
