The Island of Mustique: The Ultimate Real Estate Peeping

If you’re like me, you like seeing how other people live. I get weirdly excited at the prospect of a house party, and super stoked to go view apartments or homes with friends who are looking to buy. And fine, I will admit it, once or twice, I’ve even pretended to be one of those buyers (“$4 million for this? Ha! Look at that closet space — bah!” or “It only has two six-top range ovens? I’m outta here!”). It’s like playing a grown up version of pretend fantasyland. It’s fun. I swear.

So when I went to the island of Mustique, you know what I had to do.

Mustique is the beautiful little island in the Caribbean, part of St. Vincent and Grenadines where all the rich and famous live. Mick Jagger has a house right next door to Bryan Adams. Tommy Hilfiger’s sprawling spread is down the street from Felix Dennis’ pad, which is announced by an 8-foot tall bronze sculpture of turtles en flagrante. The homes average $18 million a pop… but what many don’t know is that while all these rich and famous people own the homes, they only come three or four times a year. The rest of the time they rent their sprawling pads out. To the public. Via something called the Mustique Island Villa Collection. Which means, you can experience the ultimate real estate porn.

Related: My “Black Stallion” Moment: Swimming With Horses on Mustique

I stayed at the legendary hotel, the Cotton House, but took a tour of three houses that were unoccupied… and had the time of my life as I roamed around the properties, pretending that, yes, one day I was going to be able to afford the $15,000-$40,0000 a week rental price. (On that day I will also wake up 5-feet, 11-inches tall, with a body like Gisele Bundchen and a face like Christy Turlington circa 1991.) I also spent a lot of time wondering things like “Seashell art, who knew?”, “So much money for such tacky shizz. Maybe I should get into the driftwood sculpture business,” or “Isn’t that illegal?”

Below are the photos from my tour of three houses — all named, as great properties should be. (One day I will have my own house and call it The Unicorn).

1. Aurora

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According to the website, this house was “recently featured in Architectural Digest” and “fortunate guests can watch the sunrise and sunset in this contemporary colonial style villa with sweeping vistas of the Caribbean Sea and Atlantic Ocean.”

Price: $20,000 a week

Features: A pool that overlooks the ocean

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Aurora also has a folly built on top of a hill so you can pretend you are in an English ruin while sipping cocktails at sunset.

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The dusting of this room must takes weeks. Years even.

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A rare, gigantic sea turtle shell — illegal in many countries.

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Another rare sea turtle shell… and ostrich eggs. Lots of ostrich eggs.

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2. Yellow Bird

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This lovely, classic Oliver Messel-designed Villa has a hint of the English Country House and is just steps from all of the island’s facilities. Situated in the Endeavour Hills, the Villa offers guests delightful views and cool sea breezes.

Price: A steal at $11,500 a week

Features: 3 bedrooms, a chef, a butler and a housekeeper

The house has an outdoor dining room at one end, and a guest house on the other.

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Inside, Yellowbird has a country chic feel.

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There was some towel origami going on in this house.

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And by “some,” we mean a lot of towel origami.

Related: 7 Awe-Inspiring but Affordable Beach Hotels Around the World

3. Frangipani

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From the website: Designed by renowned architect Paolo Piva, this stately, gracious villa commands the northern end of Mustique from its hilltop location high above L’Ansecoy Bay.

Price: $25,000 to $40,000 a week

Features: 7 bedrooms, 60-foot swimming pool, 4 Kawasaki mules, and a lot of seashell art

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The Living Room overlooks the ocean.

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Oh look! A shell version of Poseidon.

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Aaaaand.. on the opposite end of the room: Poseidon’s sea shell wife.

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A sea shell chuppah framing a sea scene over a day bed in the library.

Rich people — you crazy!

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