The Parenting Experiment That Saved My Sanity

I’m not a fan of letting my kids watch a lot of television or play endless video games. We have an iPad and more TVs than I care to admit so I’m certainly not anti, but we’ve always tried to limit screen time. Then we had a third child. Add to that the winter that wouldn’t quit and more and more technology seeped into our routine. Before I knew it, my older kids (6 and 4) were like addicted little zombies constantly asking to play/watch/touch. They would put the TV on without asking. I’d find them hiding behind the couch with the iPad. They tried to snatch our iPhones from our hands and when they’d be Skyping with my in-laws on the iPad, my son would flip the screen to sneak in a little Minecraft.

It wasn’t that they were glued to these things 24/7 (they weren’t), it’s that they came to expect the screen time rather than view it as a treat. I worried they had become so dependent that we couldn’t go back. Because I’d become dependent too — when you’re juggling three young kids and a work-from-home job, letting the kids tube out can be a great escape for everyone. Back in January, I  wrote about how sometimes you need a little help from technology and that's OK. But you have to have limits and we’d exceeded ours. So last Sunday, we went cold turkey. It wasn’t planned, but the kids were whining that I’d said no TV after dinner and I got fed up and blurted out that there would be no TV or iPads for the entire week. Since I try not to make empty threats, I was kind of stuck and so our little experiment began. But what started as a punishment became more of a challenge. And man was it challenging….

The first day, my four-year-old daughter asked every half hour if she could have the iPad. “But I really, really, really love that Peppa Pig game mom,” she pleaded. Each time she’d try a different approach. Each time I shut her down. But it took all my willpower not to cave (if I’d given her the iPad for 20 minutes, I could have had 20 minutes to myself!). By 4 p.m. she’d gotten the message and we were happily doing puzzles. The second day my son came into my office right before dinner and this conversation took place:

Alex: “Mom, dad said we could watch a little TV after dinner if it was OK with you.”

Me: “Really? He said that?”

Alex: “No, he said you were in charge and what you say goes. But I love you so much and I bet you’re going to yes, right? Say yes. Say yes. Say yes. Say yes.”

(I did not say yes)

I’m not gonna lie, as hard it was on my little zombies going through withdrawal, I think it was harder on me. There was no “go watch TV while I make dinner” or “take the iPad for 10 minutes so I can put the baby down for a nap” breaks. I had to be more creative, I had to be more present and I had to try a little harder. And you know what? It’s just what I needed. What we all needed. By the third day, no one asked to watch or play with anything. Once they knew it was really off the table, they didn’t even question it. Which made my job easier (half of my day is spent saying no to kid requests and managing the subsequent whining. “Can I have a play date with Andrew today? Can I have a piece of candy? Can I play Minion Rush? Can I watch Game of Thrones with dad?”) I also saw an improvement in my daughter’s behavior (she’s been a tough one lately). Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we suddenly morphed into the Brady Bunch. There were still fights and time outs and manhandling the baby. But there were other things, too: puzzles, photo albums, books, toys they didn’t even remember they had, play dough, dancing, cooking. And because there was no after-dinner Dora, they were bathed, read to and in bed by 7:45 every night. Bonus!

We made it through the week unscathed and now we’re back to letting them watch a little TV (it’s spring break here and I need a break). But we’re keeping it in check. Yesterday we said there would be none and they didn’t flinch. I think our little experiment reminded them that there are many, many fun things to do inside besides zoning out in front of a screen. And that that screen time is a treat, not a right. Now that spring is finally here it will be easier to regulate since the kids will be outside most of the day anyway. But still, I’m so glad we did this. We needed to hit the refresh button. I needed to know I could handle my three kids without the crutch of technology. I needed to know they could survive without TV (honestly, I was getting worried) and it felt good to remind myself that I can, too.

I know not everyone is conflicted about their kids’ screen time and plenty of parents have it all under control (or don’t allow it at all), but if you’re like me and you ever feel like you’re losing a battle to angry/flappy/whatever birds, I highly recommend doing a little detox. It worked for us!