I Bring My Kid to Work

Parents are constantly shamed for their choices. From how we feed our children to how we educate them, everyone has an opinion on how to raise kids. The result? Moms and dads feel endlessly judged for the choices they make — even if they have no other options. This week, families around the country are sharing their inspiring, funny, honest, and heartbreaking stories with Yahoo Parenting in an effort to spark conversations, a little compassion, and change in the way we think about parenting forever. Share your story with us — #NoShameParenting

I’m a single mom, and I work a low-wage job, but I know I am not alone because two-thirds of low-wage workers are women, and many U.S. households depend solely or heavily on the income of a working mom. I’m here to share my #NoShameParenting story on how judgment runs thick for me and thousands of women like me.

At my low-wage job, I was recently promoted from barista to shift supervisor. Sounds great, right? Well, the reality is things got a little more intense, like I’ve heard once, more money, more problems. Even a little bit more money for me – a $1.85 raise, the problems seemed to grow and intensify by 185%.

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For starters, I work longer hours at a new location because there aren’t really part time positions available for my new position, so this is the first time in nearly two years that I am working for this company full time. And it’s draining. Of course, I have a learning curve because I’m learning my role, my leadership style, and at a new store, with a new manager.

All of those adjustments for me at work are also huge adjustments and sacrifices for my son. As a single mom, I try hard to get everything in order so that he is happy and well taken care of, even when I’m not around. I combed the internet, conducted interviews and mini-playdates, and finally, after a grueling six-week search, hired the best sitter on earth – she’s absolutely amazing. On the days I work, she picks him up from school, feeds him and puts him to bed until I come trekking in near midnight to pick him up. She’s God-send, and I pay her literally half of what I earn in an hour of work. It’s a struggle for sure, but I completely appreciate her willingness to be available for us, as she is a single mom, too, and not working at the moment, so I see it as a win-win situation for both of us.

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In addition to working longer hours and hiring a sitter, there are times when my sitter is unavailable and I need to rely on family and friends, but even that is a stretch and takes days of planning transportation and other logistics.

There have been several occasions where I have brought my son into work with me because I didn’t have the childcare I needed in place, and there is no way that I can afford to miss out on work. I know it’s not the ideal situation for anyone, especially a recently promoted supervisor at a busy coffee shop.

When I walk into work holding my son’s hand, I feel an overwhelming rush of feelings – mainly anxiety, and anger combined with a deep sense of pride. Anxiety because I’m not sure how my coworkers will react to him, or how customers in the café will respond to a kid sitting seemingly ‘alone’ with his face in a screen (yes, he gets lots of ‘screen time’ which is another source of anxiety).

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And I’m angry because I know bringing your child to work isn’t a good sign, and I feel inadequate and wholly unprepared to parent and be an effective leader at work in those moments.

But even still, there are bright spots. One night, he was sitting in the café and a younger man came up to me and said, “I’ve been watching you for a while and I knew that was your son in the corner. You remind me of my mom, when I was little, she’d bring me to work with her when she didn’t have anybody to watch me. I understand and I salute you for that. You don’t see a lot of young moms doing that, most would call in.”

I feel proud because I am keeping my commitment to work and my coworkers. I feel proud that my son gets to see me at work and learn the value of a hard earned dollar - no matter how difficult it may be to come by and hold on to.

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Even when I discussed my childcare woes with my boss and other coworkers, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I love my job, but I also love my son, and it’s a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling and thought to falsely believe that I have to choose between the two.

But at moments, that’s the double-edged sword stabbing through the core of my being. I’ve seen customers watch my son and I quickly jump in, fiercely defending my decision to complete strangers to say, “In case you’re wondering, he’s mine and he is OK.” They usually always look at me with pity in their eyes then politely smile and say something to shrug it off, commenting on how well-behaved he is for a 5-year-old boy.

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But on the inside, I know they want to say more. I know people judge, and I am fearful that one day child protective services or the police will come marching through the café doors and tell me how awful a parent I am - while not understanding the reality of my single-parenting situation.

We’ve seen cases like that on a national level, from Arizona to Arkansas, and I am confident that soon, we as a nation will get smart with policies in place to help more working families by providing benefits and real opportunities of support, such a pre-tax deductions, building on-site childcare facilities, providing paid leave and fair, predictable schedules especially for a low-wage worker like myself.

Photo: Courtesy of Raina J. Johnson

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