First Drive: 2017 Jaguar XE, A Cat That Purrs and Slashes

In the haunting Tennessee Williams play “Suddenly, Last Summer,” predator Sebastian Venable becomes the prey, as he is literally cannibalized by the young men he pursues on the beaches of Europe. His beautiful female cousin Catherine witnesses his murder and has the gall to announce its cause to Sebastian’s repudiatory mother, Violet. She has the girl committed and threatened with a lobotomy.

After spending two days driving the pristine mountain roads and demanding Circuito de Navarra racetrack of Spain’s Rioja region in the all-new Jaguar XE, we can say with confidence that the play, in addition to being an allegory for Williams’ tortured sexuality, is also an allegory for the world of the premium compact sport sedan.

In our automotive casting, handsome and overconfident BMW plays Sebastian, imperious Mercedes plays the matronly mother Violet, forthright Audi performs the ingénue role of Catherine. And the vengeful and scrappy cannibals are played by this sublime new Jaguar, which is our new favorite premium compact sport sedan. “They were devouring him!” Catherine admits in the play’s climactic scene.

Watch out BMW. Things are about to get a bit bitey.

Don’t get us wrong. We love the new Mercedes C-Class and its proper junior executive stature. We have a resigned admiration for the Audi A4’s impassive architect-like architecture. And we’re quite loyal to category creator BMW and their venerable (Venable?) 3-Series, (we daily drive a 2004 325i sedan). But BMW’s certainty in its perpetual dominance, and its boundless pursuit of market share, has become its downfall. In an attempt to emulate its mother’s refined desires, while sequestering its true spirit, it has made itself vulnerable.

The XE exploits those vulnerabilities, and then some. Blends usually disappoint us. We find sleeper sofas intolerable as both couches and beds, and are aware that mixing all three primary colors results in nothing but diarrheic brown. But the XE somehow combines its varied source material — luxury, refinement, and potent sport — to create an exemplary amalgam. Credit Merlinian alchemy if you want, but this Brit thrusts the sword in the stone. And it sticks.

When it arrives on our shores a year from now as a 2017 model, the XE will haul in its tapered schnoz one of two engines: a 180-hp/317 lb-ft 2-liter four-cylinder turbo diesel, or a 340-hp/332 lb-ft 3-liter supercharged V-6. Both will be available with rear- or all wheel-drive and the ubiquitous and excellent eight-speed ZF automatic. And both will be capable of being outfitted in one of four self-explanatory trim levels: Base, Premium, Prestige, or R-Sport. As is de rigueur these days, a confounding array of wheel, technology, and luxury options will be on offer. What exactly these will include, and how they will be packaged, is for now unknown.

What is known is that the various wheels will be fitted to Jaguar’s supple yet impossibly well-planted double wishbone (front) and integrated multi-link (rear) suspension and fitted to its all-new aluminum intensive architecture, which will also underpin the brand’s newly unveiled XF business sedan and the forthcoming F-Pace SUV. This light-ish structure should keep the XE’s weight below 3,400 lbs. for the US trim entry-level diesel.

The tech will be delivered through Jag’s all-new In Control infotainment system, which is app-friendly, wi-fi hotspot enable-able, and available with some clever smartphone-actuated tricks like remote starting and remote heating/cooling. Unfortunately, it is operated via an 8-inch touch-screen interface. It’s better than some (cue the CUE whoopee cushion); but, still, it’s a small touch screen in a moving vehicle, and requires a distracting amount of attention.

And the luxury will be integrated into a handsome exterior that is immediately familiar as an admirable Ian Callum-design, and via an interior that has echoes of the sybaritic pleasures of his executive XJ, with its wraparound prow, and extensive use of leathers, woods, and satin-finish metals. It’s not quite Bentley, or even C-Class, grade in here, but it’s lovely and clean and contemporary without being in the least bit austere.

Over the course of 500 kilometers through craggy mountain twisties, birch forested valleys, olive and grape arbored terraces, and technically challenging track laps, we determined that driving the XE is an unrivaled delight. As much as we were inclined, out of lust for a bit of strange, to privilege the non-U.S. spec diesel/manual model (and it was truly connected and engaging), and to praise the thrusty efficiency of the diesel/automatic model (expect more than 40 mpg in U.S. highway mileage), the sugar rimmed trophy must be awarded to the supercharged V-6 with the ZF eight-speed automatic.

In this model, the power is impeccable and everywhere. The shifts are as seamless as a proper facelift, but still capable of wrinkling up if displays of anger are required. And the exhaust note is neither dutiful and muffled like an old Jag V-12 or obstreperous and incorrigible like the F-Type’s V-8, but simply and gloriously potent.

And the ride. Oh, the ride. Imagine folding in your optimal ideals of Mercedes’ stolid comfort, BMW’s sporty tenacity, and Audi’s inconspicuous technical achievement. That is the Jag. You cannot upset it unless you want to. (And sometimes, you want to).

It’s a waterbed, if a waterbed were actually a good idea. It’s a Citroen DS without all the leaky slime. It’s a category killer that won’t be in the category for another year. Like a best friend, it makes you smile while telling the truth.

Jaguar is a small player in the US market right now, but 100 percent of the XE’s sales will be conquests from the Germans and their ilk. Who knows what else will come to market in the year before the XE finally arrives, and what its actual pricing will look like. But the competition should take note. This brand is hungry, and it has sharpened its teeth.

Disclosure: For this article, the writer’s transportation, meals and lodging costs were paid for by one or more subjects of the article. Yahoo does not promise to publish any stories or provide coverage to any individual or entity that paid for some or all of the costs of any of our writers to attend an event.