My Dirty Little Sleep Secret

I know this probably won't make me very popular but I'm just going to come right out and say it: Even though I'm a mom to two young kids and it's apparently part of our job description to be tired all the time, I get plenty of sleep. Like eight hours a night. I'm 34 weeks pregnant so these days I'm up a bit to pee or to roll over (it's a whole thing that requires some concentration), but for the most part — and in my normal life — I am the kind of person whose head hits the pillow at, say, 11 p.m. and I don't open my eyes again until after 7 a.m. I am so grateful for this and credit my stable sleeping patterns for keeping me a somewhat-stable human being. But here's my concern: Has all this good sleep I've been logging over the past few years made me completely unprepared to bring home a newborn?!

I just saw a statistic that the average woman aged 30 to 60 sleeps only six hours and 41 minutes. I would die. Seriously, I cannot function on anything less than seven and even that's a stretch. I had a bout of insomnia this summer and I honestly thought I wasn't going to survive. I was up for hours at a time completely wide awake and during the day I was a shell of myself, going through the motions not really present at all. I will be the first to tell you I was also bat-shit crazy. I have friends whose kids wake up every day at 5 a.m., sometimes earlier. I would literally have to be committed. I. Could. Not. Do. It. I would not. There was a time when Alex was getting out of bed before 7 a.m. and we literally told him he had to stay in his room until 7 — no exceptions. (It worked.)

There is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture and the fact that it's meant to just come with the territory of parenting irks me. Because it doesn't have to be that way — or at least it's not that way for everyone (and not all the time). Obviously there is some exhaustion to be expected in the early newborn days (and I imagine that exhaustion will be compounded this time by also having to care for a six- and three-year-old). But as long as my main job during the groggy days is to watch Bravo and feed/hold my baby, I can handle it. I will also have coffee. And help (Nick and I basically co-parent). And hope. Alex and Nora were both great sleepers and going eight hour chunks on a nightly basis before eight weeks old. I'm confident (i.e. sending desperate pleas into the universe) that that will be the case with number three as well. Maybe I'm delusional but I've got to believe.

You have to pick and choose what's important to you as a parent and sleep — both for my children and for my husband and me — was and is tops on our list. Because I knew I could not be a functioning human let alone a decent mother without some actual sleep, I researched the topic before having our first. We wound up (mostly) following the ideas of The Baby Whisperer (The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems is my new-baby bible — also love Happiest Baby on the Block). The basic tenets: feeding babies on a schedule throughout the day (assuming they're big enough, which mine always have been), cluster feedings at night, swaddling, putting them down awake (not crying, just getting them get used to being in a bassinet and learning to fall asleep themselves), using white noise, starting and sticking to a bedtime routine from the beginning, etc. I know some of this stuff would horrify my attachment-parenting friends but this is how we roll and it's what works for us. We took it all pretty seriously (i.e. we were both super anal about it) and it paid off. I never had to let my babies cry it out — no judgment if you do this — they just continued to go longer and longer stretches on their own until (voila!) I was a well-rested human where I've basically remained.

Of course I have my tired days — after being up with a sick kid or when Nora wets her bed at exactly 5:45 a.m. and going back to sleep just isn't in the cards. Or, a more fun/stupid reason: When Nick and I decide to stay out until 2 a.m. somehow forgetting that our children will still be up by 7:30 (this hasn't happened lately — though I do admit to staying up until midnight too many nights in the past week watching my fall shows!). We also know that there may come a time in our parenting (or working) lives when we just won't be able to get as much sleep. Perhaps when we have teenagers? So we soak it up. Because — sadly — sleep is considered a luxury, a gift, one that isn't lost on Nick and me (we often wake up saying how damn lucky we are). And I really am a firm believer that sleep is central to our overall health, our brain development, our weight, our looks and, most importantly, our moods. It's a basic need but one I really need. And I know this about myself (particularly after experiencing the insomnia over the summer) so I prioritize it. If I have to get up early, I go to bed earlier. When it comes to parenting, I have my issues — trust me — but lack of sleep is not one of them. Here's hoping that continues to be the case after number three arrives! (I know what some of you are thinking...ha!...and I get it.)

So, how much sleep do you get? Is it enough? Do you feel that being tired just comes with the parenting territory? How about with a newborn? Stay tuned for how that all goes for me. I'm sure I'm in for a serious rude awakening, no pun intended. Here's hoping I haven't jinxed myself by writing this!