I Want My Daughter to Be a Mean Girl
No mom wants to think that her sweet little girl could possibly metamorphosis into a mean girl. That the little girl who you had tea parties with and watched as she lovingly moved a kitten out of harm's way could turn into a bully.
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Everyone hates a mean girl. But I'd rather my daughter turn into a mean girl than the victim of a bully. My daughter has gotten bullied. Both of my girls have gotten bullied -- in preschool no less. Kids are mean these days.
A classmate, who somehow at the tender age of 4 knows how to withhold affection, was torturing my youngest. This kid is a master manipulator and her bullying isn't reserved just for my daughter. She is an equal opportunity mean girl. Honestly, I don't care for this child at all, mostly because she made my daughter cry for about 3 months.
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This child likes to tell other kids that she doesn't like them. If they try to play with her, she ignores, belittles, and taunts them. Depending on the day, you may or may not be in her good graces. Of course, I tried to tell my little girl to NOT play with her (because why the hell would you?). I don't particularly want my daughter picking up inferiority complexes because this other kid makes her feel not quite good enough. I'll be damned if I'm going to watch what I say and do around my daughter, only to have some 4-year-old make her question herself.
I've taught my girls to be nice to everyone. I teach them to empathize with someone who is being left out, in hopes that they will not be the mean kid. It has worked thus far.
Unfortunately, now my 4-year-old is friends with the mean girl and I think she's afraid to fall out of her good graces. She goes along with pretty much whatever this other little girl wants to play and everything is good because my kid is making nice. Of course, this also means that my kid is going along with the bully who is now focusing her time and energy on weaker children.
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But, I've reconsidered; I don't want my kid to make nice with the mean girls. I don't want her to be pleasing to a jerk. I want her to stand up against her and ignore her. I want her to say, "Hey, you are kind of a monster and I don't want to be your friend. Be gone before someone drops a house on you!" I'd much rather her be the mean girl in this scenario than the kid getting bullied into submission.
What would you prefer, your kid be the mean girl or the bully?
Image via tattoo Lover/Flickr
Written by Deborah Cruz for CafeMom's blog, The Stir.
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